Timoritus
by ginchy-amanda
Summary: Mara awakens to find her husband and son dead...by her hand? Now complete!
1. Chapter 1

_**Timoritus**_

_a/n: This story is fairly dark, and I cannot even believe that I've written it, honestly. But the idea hit me thanks to a challenge at the SJRS, and I couldn't resist. I'm still working on later chapters, but the story is mapped out…I'm just a very, very slow writer. _

Mara awoke with a pounding headache, shutting her eyes quickly against the bright sunlight that was pouring in through the huge window that sat opposite the sofa she slept on. The light seemed somehow brighter than it normally would, the time of the morning at which she and Luke routinely woke. Mara rolled her neck, wincing as the action caused her already throbbing head to protest by sending a sharp pain down her spine. Looking at the chrono on the holovid unit she saw that it was late…nearly two hours later than she normally would wake. _Well, that explains the brightness of the morning, at least_ Mara thought, wondering how she had gotten such a bad headache if she actually had more sleep than she normally did. She chalked it up to the fact that she had spent the previous night on her sofa, and vowed to speak to Luke about buying a more comfortable settee.

Mara sat up and stretched, feeling achy and out of sorts. She noted that the bedroom door stood open and was surprised to see Luke's arm dangling from the side of the bed that she could barely make out from where she sat. Why had they slept so late? The family was exhausted to be sure, Ben had recently reached a stage where he was afraid of the dark and he had refused for a week or more to sleep in his own bed. Luke had finally gotten him back into his own room after a frustrating week of listening to the little boy snore, and of feeling his little knees and elbows burrow into their sides and backs. Luke had bought many night-lights in the shapes of different New Republic ships. Ben loved them, but the first night he had been sent back to his room they had found him camped out in a bedroll in front of their room, clutching two of the ship-shaped night-lights. But gradually he had begun to spend the night in his own room again…exhaustion probably having played some part in that. They were all only now beginning to catch up on their lost sleep.

Mara rose from her bed and stumbled into the 'fresher, palming the light switch and foregoing a look in the mirror. Instead she fished out a few headache meds and decided to seek Luke out and have him help her reduce the pain. He seemed more adept at spontaneous healing than she. Mara was surprised that he hadn't already awakened in response to her pain…their Force bond allowed them to be in constant contact with one another, and Luke, being known to be a bit overprotective of her, was always aware of when she was in pain.

Through the pain of her pounding head, Mara could sense Luke, though his presence seemed a bit _off_ to her. She wondered what had caused it and decided it was probably the headache she was experiencing…never had she experience a headache to this degree. The meds didn't seem to be working quite yet. _Perhaps Luke is sick too? _she thought, trying to remember what they had done the night before.

The previous night was a bit fuzzy to her, and that frightened Mara. _What had happened?_ Mara kept trying to remember, before she panicked. It couldn't have been too bad, whatever it was, as she was here at home…with Luke, and Ben. Seeking to reassure herself Mara cast out with the Force, first touching Luke's sense and sending a wave of love to him. Luke's sense still seemed…off…almost as if he were far away, both physically and emotionally. No answering wave of love arrived, and instantly Mara began to fear the worst. _What is going on?_

It was at that moment that a cold feeling of dread descended upon Mara, making her feel far worse than her still-pounding headache did. Just as a barely formed questioning tendril of the Force came towards her from Luke, Mara brushed it off in order to check on her son. She wasn't alarmed by his lack of sense in the Force; since he had taught himself to withdraw from it he could hide from her and Luke fairly well. But as she reached into that place in her mind, her maternal center, the place that Ben's presence filled so completely, Mara found it empty, and bare.

"_Ben?" _She cried, through the Force, and for good measure, aloud. She kept reaching out, seeking her son's presence, that warm little light in the Force that encompassed her baby--a small little mixture of herself and Luke and the huge presence that was all Ben's own.

Ignoring her headache and the pain that still radiated through the rest of her body, Mara ran from the 'fresher, intent on finding her son. Confused as to the state of things since she had awakened, and frightened by the fact that she could not remember the previous day, Mara ran down the hall and skidded to a stop in front of Ben's room, viciously slapping the door unit open and stepping in, hoping to see Ben curled up, in his X-Wing pajamas, safely asleep.

Liquid fear gripped her belly then, choking her, and causing hot bile to rise into her throat. Little Ben Skywalker was in his bed, but he was not sleeping. He lay still and cold, his head was turned at an angle that Mara knew from experience was not humanly possible.

Mara didn't even feel her feet move as she made her way to the bed, so intent was she to get to her son, her child. But as she reached the bed a wave in the Force hit her with such power that she stumbled and fell to her knees, crying out as she hit the floor, paralyzed by the images presented to her.

_Love…_Luke was making love to her…_warmth, exhilaration, ecstasy…_

Her hands around _his_ neck…

_Anger, overwhelming anger. "YOU WILL KILL LUKE SKYWALKER!"_

_Fear, distrust--the Force! No…I won't…but can't let go…no!_

"Daddy!" Ben had called, entering…feeling the shock that had emanated from his father and the rage that came from his mother.

Stop. A look. A witness. Never leave a witness.

_Pain, shame, anger…another small little neck…so easy…too easy. _

_The remembered feel of bones cracking under her fingers…_

Mara Jade Skywalker opened her mouth to scream, but no sound came. As the room swam before her eyes, she distantly heard someone banging on the apartment door, but in her anguish and confusion, pain and fear, she was too far gone to care. The banging grew louder and the door seemed to be bashed open forcibly just as she fainted, falling forward halfway onto the bed and the child she had only recently murdered.

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	2. Chapter 2

Mara's eyes tracked a small tuft of dust as it blew across the cell's floor, forced on by the stale, artificial air that blew out of a dusty air-vent that had probably already been outdated even during the Old Republic. Her entire life now, it seemed, consisted of watching that small tuft of dust, comprised of skin-cells, hair, dirt, and gods only knew what else, as it drifted lazily back and forth over the smoothed duracrete floor. She found it easier to watch the dust ball than to contemplate her life, her actions, _what she had done_. She had instantly reverted to her old ways, Palpatine's way, shutting out the painful, murderous thoughts and focusing, instead, on something mundane.

Like dust.

Dust. She had reduced her baby boy and her husband to dust. They would both soon be nothing more than memories and dust in the wind, carried away from their funeral pyres and scattered by the winds. Never mind the fact that Luke still lived, apparently, still fighting for his life in the trauma induced coma that Mara had forced upon him, by choking him in the same brutal manner she had done to their son... Mara herself choked on a sob, and grabbed her head, willing the dark thoughts out. It was easier to not think of Ben, with his head turned in an unnatural angle, and Luke…

The ysalamiri in the room prevented Mara from actually knowing what was happening to Luke, through their Force-bond, but his underlying sense was still there, in her head. She knew he still lived. But he had lain for hours, unconscious and dying, before Leia returned from off-planet and felt the destruction Mara had wrecked through the Force. According to her guard, Leia had to be sedated after leading the authorities to the Skywalker apartment.

Her guard. Mara scowled, thinking of the Twi'lek male who thought that it was he who was keeping Mara in her dank cell. He liked to lord over her, telling her of the holonews and of the state of chaos that reigned in the wake of Luke's imminent death. He was cruel and harsh, and if this were a different time and place Mara would have already over-powered him and escaped, putting as many systems between herself and the trouble she was in as possible.

As it was, Mara had waved her right to a trial and proclaimed herself guilty. She wanted to suffer, and to be punished. She longed for her death, as deserved as it was. In fact, she craved her own death, in much the same way she had craved Luke's death, those many years ago.

The Twi'lek guard came into the cell, stepping on and picking up Mara's dust ball with his grimy boot. "You have a visitor," he snarled, glaring down at her where she sat, ramrod straight, on her cot.

Mara's eyes remained fixed on where the dust ball had been, her sight now filled with the guard's old, worn nerf-hide boot.

"Did you hear me, _woman_?" The Twi'lek continued, enjoying his display of power over the formerly famous woman. "You have a visitor, murderess."

Her distraction gone, Mara's mind raced. 

_What sort of woman murders her husband, the man she loves? _

_And what's worse…what sort of Mother murders her own child?  
_  
Luke had been reading a holonovel…he had been raving over it, for longer than a week, much to Mara's chagrin and amusement. Irrationally, now, Mara thought, _He'll never finish it.  
_  
And that night…the night she'd…Luke had been loving her, showing her with his touch how much he adored and worshipped her….And she had betrayed him…attacking him when he was at his most vulnerable…just as she had been taught.

Then, Ben…so afraid of the dark, and the monsters that might hide there. Mara's fingernails dug into her palms and warm blood began to fill her hands. He didn't know the worst monster of all slept just down the hall and claimed to love him above all others.

Ben had been regulated to the dark forever, by his mother. His murderer. 

The slap across Mara's cheek forced her head back, and she grunted in surprise, her thoughts of Ben and Luke dissipating as she instinctively raised herself into a defense position, ignoring the blood that still poured from her palms. The guard, however, was ready--and the fight wasn't really there in Mara, anymore, and he grabbed her upper arms, shaking her violently to the tune of words that came out of his mouth.

"I said, YOU HAVE A VISITOR, MURDERESS. Hands behind your back," The guard produced a pair of stun-cuffs.

Mara glared at the guard, but complied, hardly caring who her visitor was. The sting on her cheek felt good, and she found herself wishing the guard had hit her harder. 

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Mara was forced into another darkened room, coming to an abrupt halt when she saw who her visitor was. The guard pushed her down into a chair, and stepped back against the wall, ready to react if Mara were to decide to try and flee.

"Hello, _Master_," Jaina Solo snarled, belittling Mara's now former title and spitting it out, as if it tasted foul in her throat.

Mara stared at her former apprentice, seeing not her, but Luke, and understanding now the pain he must have felt when she had thrown his title at him so harshly in their past.

"Have you nothing to say to me, _Master_?" Jaina continued, as long moments past in silence. Jaina, taking Mara's silence for defiance, slammed her hands on the table in front of her. "Wait...perhaps I should call you, _Aunt._" Jaina's voice gave that word even more distaste than master. "Well, you have torn our family to shreds, and yet you sit here silent, merely staring at me? Speak for yourself, _Aunt_! Why have you done these things!"

Mara, still lost in her thoughts of Luke, golden and masterful, looked beyond Jaina and still said nothing.

Jaina slammed her hands back down on the table, this time in frustration. Mara didn't even jump, staring still at the back wall, staring through her niece and former apprentice, as if nothing were happening at all.

Jaina was crying, fat tears dripping down her face and angry red splotches splashed across her cheeks.

"It's wasn't enough, then, that you had a death mark against Uncle Luke, was it, _Aunt_? You couldn't succeed in killing him so you reverted to your old ways—the way of your true Master? You infiltrated…and waited. You gained our respect, and our love and devotion, and then you murdered your husband and your child!"

Mara's eyes, vacant until that point, flashed with pain momentarily before the walls were erected again. Jaina, trained by Mara, noticed however, and reacted.

Her tears were drying on her cheeks, but a new look entered her eyes. A feral look, unremembered, but probably learned from her former Master. "You think that you are feeling pain? You don't even understand the word. Let me tell you what you've done, Master: You have murdered your entire family…yes, even those that still breathe. You choked the life out of your husband, in a fit of rage. And your son, _Aunt_, that precious baby—you did more than choke the life out of him. His little baby neck was shattered and the bone was reduced to dust. What could your son have possibly done to warrant that from you, his Mother?"

The pain was back in Mara's eyes, but still she would not look at Jaina.

"…But that wasn't enough, was it, _Aunt_?" Jaina sneered, pacing the room. "You had to finish it all, completely, just like a good assassin should. And so, _my_ Mother lies now, in the med-center, delirious and mad, calling for her lost twin. She doesn't recognize anyone…you have murdered both of Vader's children as surely as if you had choked Mom, as well!" Jaina laughed, half-mad herself. "Does that make you feel good? Feel proud? You have fulfilled Palpatine's last command…_times two_!"

Jaina was unhinged. The guard had made no move to stop her, so she jumped up on the table in front of Mara and grabbed her shoulders to force the older woman to look her in the eye.

"And Dad…is broken. First Chewie. Then Anakin. Now…you've killed nearly everyone else. His wife. His brother. His nephew. He's gone and I have no doubt that he's brought an end to himself. My Dad was strong….but you have made a _mockery_ of that! We trusted you, _Aunt_. I trusted you, and loved you above most others…!" Jaina began squeezing Mara's shoulders, digging in her fingers until Mara's face contorted in pain.

Jaina bowed her head down, still clutching Mara's shoulders, and allowed her tears to keep falling. "I just want to know, Aunt Mara…" she began, sounding very much like the child she was when Mara had first married Luke, and Jaina had adored her, "….why you gave in to your fear? Why did you do this?"

"_Your fear…your fear…your fear_…" The words bounced around in Mara's brain, as Jaina continued to sob on the table in front of her. _Why did I give in to my fear? _

"_Oh, gods, Mara…"  
_  
Mara's head snapped up, as she heard Luke's voice in the room with her. But, no…the only sounds were of Jaina's sobs and the guard's boot scrapping against the floor.

"_It's fear, Mara, not death. But fear!"  
_  
Mara started, _what fear? I have no fear_. At least…that's what she had told Luke…once. 

Jaina sat back abruptly, getting no response from her Aunt. She wiped the tears from her puffy cheeks with the back of her hand, and tried once more. "Why, Mara? You could have told someone…told me. Years ago, when Ben was sent to the Maw…I knew of your fear, your doubts. I could have helped…" Jaina's voice cracked as she whispered, "Why did you do it?"

But Mara, stunned to have heard Luke's voice in her head, gave no answer, and Jaina began to cry fresh tears, as the guard removed Jaina's grip and shoved Mara back out of the door.

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	3. Chapter 3

Mara knew the time of her execution was at hand, the muted sounds of her guard's boots walking the grimy hallway outside her door told her as much. She remained seated on her cot, eyes closed, listening to the dull _clip-clomp_ of approaching boot heels and the harsh forced-air coming from her cell's air vents.

Mara's mind was in overdrive. Hearing Luke's voice, during Jaina's visit, had reopened her mind, removing her self-imposed barriers. All she could do, it seemed, was remember--the warmth and thrill of Luke's gentle touch, and the pleasant ache she would feel deep within her throat when Ben would wrap his pudgy arms around her neck and tell her that he loved her, his Mommy.

A single tear fell down Mara's face at the idea of what she had taken, from the galaxy, from her family, from herself, and from Luke and Ben.

The clack of boot heels stopped outside of her door, and Mara stood, ready to face her execution. As the cell door opened, Mara looked to the floor, preferring not to look directly at her guard. The small wind created form the door's opening swirled the dust on the floor, and it seemed to Mara, for a moment, that she saw the word FEAR outlined in the grime collected there.

She bent to further investigate but was impeded by the guard, who pulled her hands in behind her back. Mara reached forward with her shoe, and ran it through the dust, but nothing was there now, no words or hidden meanings.

Nodding to herself, Mara allowed the Twi'lek to lead her unresisting from the room.

Walking a steady pace to her execution, Mara concentrated only on placing one foot in front of the other. Her face was shuttered, and her arm was held tightly by her escort. In front of them was a vaulted execution chamber, and it seemed the further Mara walked, the greater the distance between herself and the room actually became.

She held no fear over her pending death, though she wondered what would happen to her, afterwards. She had no doubts that Ben had become one with the Force, perhaps he had been greeted by Luke's father and his cousin, Anakin, with kisses. Luke…Luke would surely take that path, as well, once he breathed his last. He deserved no less. But Mara knew that she did not deserve peace, tranquility, or reunification with her husband and son.

The ysalamiri were seemingly everywhere, and in no spot could Mara access the Force fully. She had tried, in vain, since the moment she had heard Luke's voice in her head to access the vital energy, to use it once more. Luke had spoken of fear, but she did not know why he would call to her about it now.

As she and the guard finally reached the execution chamber, a final thought burst through Mara's mind.

_Why fear? Was it Luke's fear that I would do what I did, to him and our son?_

_-----------------------------_

Mara knew the golden med-droid was speaking to her as it outfitted her arm with the execution device, but she was struck by the droid's bright color, so like that of C-3P0. She could hear Han in her head, even now, saying with his infamous smart attitude, _What's the droid going to do? Talk ya to death?_ Mara allowed herself a moment of dark amusement, and wondered at herself, that her face could still form a tight smile.

Once, Mara's nightmares had included thoughts of execution. In truth, Mara wondered if there were any other way for her to die. Certainly she had been a Jedi, a wife, and a mother, and while in those guises she had done good deeds for the galaxy. But perhaps it was fitting that she be killed as a murderer and a betrayer…perhaps that was all she was capable of being.

She had once asked Luke, if he thought Palpatine had chosen her as his Hand due to a preordained series of order…was she chosen because she had the propensity to be cold-blooded and an able killer, or had she been made into those things by Palpatine himself? There were no easy answers, of course, and she had shunted Luke's answer, preferring not to dwell upon it, regretting the question almost as soon as she had asked it.

"Systems check, subject is ready," the golden droid pronounced in it's monotone voice.

Mara lay strapped to the table, the small execution device attached to the crease of her arm. The droid rolled to the back of the room as the wall panels moved back, revealing the viewing room on the other side of the thick transparisteel.

"You may now speak your final words," the droid said, and Mara felt surreal, laying on the table in the brightly lit room, being told by a droid that she had to now say her last words.

Mara opened her mouth, but found she couldn't speak.

"Please speak your final words," the droid said, again.

Mara tried to clear her throat, turning her head to look out at the people who had gathered to watch her execution. The room was sparsely populated, and Mara saw few people that she actually knew. Her eyes took in the defeated look that graced Talon Karrde's face, and she looked away, not wishing to witness his disappointment. Jaina nor Jacen were in the room.

_Last words…_ The thought raced through Mara's head. _My last words_… Mara panicked, realizing that this was it, the end, the last. She had murdered Luke, and Ben, and now she faced the death she deserved, and had to speak her _last_ words.

Mara closed her eyes, to gather her thoughts, and opened them again only to find two identical sets of bright blue eyes staring at her.

"Momma!" Ben called out to her, "Momma!"

Mara stared, almost unseeing at her life--her husband and her child--sat before her, separated from her by the thick transparisteel.

"Luke," she whispered, amazed, "Ben…"

The golden droid, intoned, "Let the record show, subject's last words are Luke, Ben." There was a pause and then the droid said, "Administering sedative."

But Mara couldn't tear her eyes from her husband and son…who sat, watching her execution it seemed, looking whole, and real, and wonderfully alive. But how…how could that be? Karrde sat next to them, not acknowledging their presence. _Force Spirits…?_

Just then Mara felt the familiar stirs of the Force moving around her, and her connection to Luke spring to glorious life. And, then, in the midst of it all, she felt the huge light of Ben, her baby, reach for her. _But what of the ysalamiri_?

Tears began to leak, uncontrolled, from Mara's eyes, as she stared out onto the visages and felt the warm currents of the Force run through her body. The sedative she had been given was taking affect and she felt numb, woozy, and unsure.

"Have you come for me?" she whispered, to Luke and Ben, wondering if they could hear her, and answer. "Have you come for me after all?"

Luke, with Ben on his lap, pinned her with his eyes. She almost felt as if she could feel his roughened hand holding hers…

"Remember, Mara," he said quietly, "you must remember your fear."

_But I have no fear…_

Only…

Mara remembered…

_She and Luke, fighting for their lives, on a mission they should never have taken…_

_Luke's blade, emerald fire, striking, moving…her own blade deflecting blaster shots, until…_

_A tiny _prick_, at her neck. _

_Cast off, Mara thought immediately, ignoring the small itch that quickly bloomed from the spot._

_But then…_

_She fell._

_Luke was screaming, but she couldn't hear his words, until he knelt beside her, cradling her, having incapacitated the others quickly, angrily._

"_Luke," she said, breathing heavily, "what…what…just a puncture…why…" she couldn't move her arms, or legs. "Why am I dying?"_

_Luke answered, frantically, "It's fear, Mara, _not _death. But fear!" _

_Mara tried to shake her head, and saliva rolled from her mouth. "What fear? I have no fear…"_

_She couldn't hear Luke any longer, and her eyesight had grown hazy. But he was still talking, and reaching to her through the Force, even as her connection to reality grew weaker. He said something, and she tried to read his lips, as the world grew dark…_

_Two syllables:_

Poison.

Mara remembered, and opened her eyes, finding herself still strapped to the execution table…she turned to look out of the transparisteel, only Luke and Ben were no longer there, only she could feel the echoes of them through the Force.

The droid, spoke, "Begin administering…."

Mara tuned him out, mind in overdrive. Poison, fear…NOT death…she hadn't murdered…

Mara blinked.

_-----------------------------_

I'd like to thank **JadeLotus** and **Estatica** for their help with this chapter! They're both so encouraging and sweet. Thanks, ladies! I hope to have the 4th and final chapter up sometime soon, and then a sequel that I have brewing in my mind. Thanks for all the reviews!


	4. Chapter 4

"Mara?" A voice in the darkness.

"Mara," Luke's voice, she would know it anywhere.

"Mara," again, he spoke, but Mara didn't dare open her eyes, lest she lose the sound of his voice.

"Daddy, why isn't Momma waking up?" A tiny voice stage-whispered next to her ear… Ben.

Mara's heart seized in her chest. Ben, Luke! Her lips trembled. Was she still waiting, on the edge of execution?

Hesitantly, she opened her eyes.

"Momma!"

"Mara, oh, Mara…"

Mara reached out, grasping, needing the connection only her husband and son could provide to her. Something was attached to her arm… _the execution device!_

_No, _came Luke's voice, through their bond, that bloomed to life around and in her_, Mara, you are safe._

His hand grasped hers, and Ben leaned forward to place a kiss on her fingers.

Moisture fell from her eyes then, clouding her vision, bringing her throat to ache.

"Shhhh…" Luke spoke, aloud. "Rest now, love. We'll be here." His hand moved, allowing her to twine her fingers with her son, as he began to stroke her hair, and send calming waves to her through their bond. "We'll be here."

Unsure, but no longer frightened, Mara slept.

- - - -

Mara broke consciousness to the sound of a familiar voice. "Master Skywalker? How does your wife fare this evening?"

"She is doing much better, thank you," Luke answered. "I have been monitoring her with the Force and she appears to be sleeping peacefully."

"Good, good…" the familiar voice said, moving to the foot of the bed she lay on. Mara heard him pick something up.

She opened her eyes to see her Twi'lek guard standing at the foot of her bed, scrolling through a datapad.

Her eyes widened and she found that she still couldn't put all the pieces together…

Luke felt her panic, and immediately took her hand, sending her comfort and love through their bond. "Mara, I see you're awake again. How are you feeling?"

The Twi'lek looked up at Luke's words, lekku twitching.

Luke, picking up on her jumbled thoughts and feelings, squeezed her hand. "This is your healer, Elav'Distombe. He's been with you since you were brought here. He's one of the premier specialists on the topic of poisons."

The healer smiled at her. "We've had some interesting times, you and I," he said, humor lacing his words. "I don't think you like me very much."

Mara stared at him. In her memory, she remembered him as cruel, causing her pain, taunting her, referring to her as a murdress. And yet, here he was, gently teasing her, friendly with her husband, apparently her savior.

Blinking to coalesce the images of her Twi'lek guard/healer, a vision of Luke's face swam before her eyes. She backtracked and remembered his face as she lay suffering after the attack, when she had read his lips, while he said, "poison." She looked to her husband. "I…" her voice cracked from disuse. "I was poisoned."

"Yes," Luke said, reaching his left hand towards her neck. "A tiny dart hit you here, and unleashed the poison on you."

"It's amazing you're alive at all," Healer Distombe said. "Most infected with the Timoritus poison die within hours. You've been here, fighting it, for three days."

"Timoritus," Mara said. She looked at Luke. "Fear," she said, thinking of the word's root.

Luke nodded. "The poison acts almost as a hallucinogen. It generally projects a person's greatest fear into their minds, making the person "live" through their fear. The poison ultimately shuts down a person's body, one organ at a time."

"But how am I--"

Healer Distombe answered her unasked question. "Master Skywalker managed to find out the poison from those who attacked you. There is an antidote, and it is effective if administered quickly. Thankfully, we were able to do so, and purge the poison from your system."

"I…" Mara was overwhelmed. The relief was coursing through her body, unchecked. She hadn't murdered her husband or her child, what she had perceived to have happened over the last few days, Jaina, Han, Leia, her execution… nothing more than the byproduct of a malicious poison that had invaded her body. "Thank you, Healer," she said, finally.

The Twi'lek smiled at her, turning to leave the room. He turned back when he reached the doorway. "I'm sorry about your cheek, by the way," he said. "You were fighting against us, and we had to inject the antidote."

Mara raised her hand to her cheek that thrummed with a dull pain. She remembered her vision, the guard slapping her… "That's quite all right," she answered.

"Master Skywalker," Healer Distombe inclined his head. "If you need me, please do not hesitate."

Luke smiled at him, watching as he left, before turning back to Mara. She could see the fatigue, and pain in his eyes, and wondered how close she had come to death, this time.

"Too close," he whispered, evidently following her thoughts.

Mara raised his hand to her lips and held it there, finding comfort in the small act she allowed herself. After a moment she pulled their hands back and settled them at her breast. "Where's Ben?" she asked, looking around the room.

"Jaina took him down to get something to eat. He was getting a bit restless."

"I'll bet," Mara said, looking at the stark whiteness of the room. She reached out with her senses, along her maternal bond, and felt Ben and Jaina's individual Force signatures. Ben's was very hazy; Mara almost couldn't feel it.

Luke looked at her. "He's getting better and better at hiding from the Force. But, Mara… he used the Force to reach for you, to help pull you from your nightmare."

Mara nodded weakly. "I know, I felt it. During the…" Mara trailed off, unsure of what to call what had happened to her. "I could feel your presence vaguely. In my mind I thought there were ysalamiri in the room with me. I suppose the poison hindered my use of the Force?"

"Actually, Mara, I think _you_ were hindering your own use of the Force. I think the fear, especially when you couldn't feel Ben's presence… I think it was easier for you to hide from the Force."

Mara thought about that. "Luke, do you know what I saw… do you know what my fear was?"

"Not exactly… I know it had to do with me, and Ben. But I wasn't able to fully use our bond. You, or the poison, were blocking it."

His voice shook, and Mara thought of the strain he must have endured over the past few days. "Come here," she said, tugging on his hand. He moved in closer to her bed, and she reached an arm up, to tangle in his hair. She had been unhooked from all the machines that still surrounded her, and she took advantage of that freedom.

She tugged him forward and he complied, meeting and sliding his lips against hers, softly. He stopped, then, lips just resting against hers, as they simply breathed together. Luke slowly moved his lips over hers, reconnecting, and Mara responded, needing him closer, to block her memory, her pain… she slid her hands up to his neck, deepening the kiss, pulling him closer still.

_Love…Luke was making love to her…warmth, exhilaration, ecstasy… _

Her hands around his neck…

She started as a vision from her poison-induced nightmare assaulted her mind, and abruptly pulled away from Luke's kiss.

"What--" he started to ask, when a noise from the doorway startled them both.

"Momma!" Ben cried, hurtling himself towards her hospital bed as quickly as his little legs could carry him.

Jaina smiled at them from the door. "I see things are quite cozy in here," she teased, noting the lack of space between her aunt and uncle on the bed.

"You sound like your father," Mara said, rolling her eyes, but smiling at her former apprentice, as Luke settled Ben into the bed with her, making sure he didn't hurt her with his jerky, quick movements, in his haste to be near his mother.

Jaina grinned. "Speaking of, Mom and Dad send their love. They're so relieved you're all right. They tried so hard to get back from the conference, but you know how politicians are…"

"It's okay," Mara said, meaning it. She wasn't comfortable, even now, with thinking that people would be waiting in a room, watching her live, or die.

"I'm so glad you're better, Aunt Mara," Jaina said, quietly. "When I sat with you two nights ago… I was so sure…" Jaina's voice trembled, and Luke moved to put an arm around her shoulders, even as Mara sent a wave of comfort to the girl through their bond.

"I'm glad you're better, too, Momma," Ben piped up, finally situating himself and laying his head on Mara's shoulder. "I was very scared. Were you scared?"

Mara had difficulty swallowing, remembering the horror of her poison-induced nightmare. She squeezed Ben in a one-armed hug. "I was a little scared, but I just thought about you and your father and I felt much better."

Ben accepted the half-truth with a nod. "That's how I always felt, when I was afraid of the dark. I just thought of you and Daddy. Or I went to sleep with you in the big bed."

Mara kissed the side of his head, amused at how earnest he was. He closed his eyes against her shoulder, exhaustion and the comfort of her embrace lulling him to sleep.

Mara felt Jaina and Luke's gazes resting on her, but found she couldn't quite meet their eyes. Instead, she leaned her head against Ben's, and followed him into sleep.

- - - -

Sometime later, Mara jerked awake to a quiet and darkened room. Ben was still a heavy weight against her arm, which tingled from the lack of movement and his body against it. She didn't care, or try to move, however. The feeling let her know she was alive, and Ben's soft breathing against her cemented the fact. She looked down at her son, smiling at the way his mouth hung open against her arm and found that she didn't even mind the wetness that clung to her skin from his exhausted drooling.

Inclining her head she smiled to see Luke with his head rested against the side of the large chair he sat in, his mouth hanging slightly open just as his son's. In his lap lay the holonovel he had been reading for more than a week.

"Luke?" she asked quietly, hoping not to awaken Ben.

He awoke immediately, eyes locking onto hers fiercely. "Are you all right, my love? Do you need the healer?" he appeared ready to jump from the chair, despite the fatigue in his eyes.

"No," Mara whispered, noting the relaxation of the muscles in his body. He pulled the chair close to her bedside, and lay his hand over top hers on her stomach.

"Do you need me to get you anything, love?" he looked down to the holonovel on his lap. "Do you want me to read to you?" he smiled, remembering her amusement over his interest in the novel.

_No_, Mara sent, through their bond, trying to impart a measure of solemnity and afraid to move her body and wake her sleeping child. _Luke, I…_ she trailed off, unsure of how to continue.

Luke didn't force her. Instead he rubbed the sensitive skin between her thumb and index finger, prompting her.

She looked into his eyes and wondered at how to tell him that her greatest fear had been of losing control and murdering him and their child. Could she tell him?

_Should_ she tell him?

"Luke," she said, making up her mind. "I'm sure that if I move over, you could fit here with me, and Ben."

Luke's brow furrowed. He seemed to want to ask her something, but stopped himself. "I'm sure that I could," he answered, instead.

Mara took a moment to move herself and Ben, who stayed asleep through the ordeal. Luke put his novel onto the nightstand and slipped into the hospital bed, pulling his family towards him, dropping a kiss into Mara's hair and running an affectionate hand up Ben's back. Mara relaxed against her husband, relishing the deep, even breaths that came from Ben against her chest and the feel of Luke's steady heartbeat against her back.

"You know that you can tell me anything," Luke murmured into her ear, after a long moment of silence.

Mara nodded quickly, ignoring the part of her that yearned to tell him all about her experience, to unload and share the burden with him. _But what would he think, knowing my greatest fear is still that I could murder him, and our child?_

Eventually Luke dropped off into sleep, his arms still holding her tightly. Mara lay awake the rest of the night, clutching both her husband and her son, almost desperately.

As the darkness outside her window turned towards the purpling light of morning, Mara wondered at herself.

_I have faced my fear, but has it made me stronger?_

As Ben began to stir in her arms, and Luke moved towards wakefulness behind her, Mara found she didn't have the answer. But what she did have was her family, and that was surely the greatest antidote to her unspoken fears.

_-End_

- - - -

Thank you so much to everyone for reading this fic! A special thank you to my girl, **JadeLotus** for all her encouragement and beta work. I've said it before, and will again, but you're the best, gal!

**BlueSaber**Thank you so much for reading, lady! I made up Timoritus, but I think that 'timor' is Latin for 'fear'. (At least, I hope!)

**Jedi71: **Thanks for reading!

**tasuja**I hope the rest of the fic didn't disappoint, but if it did--thanks for at least giving it a try!

**Whiskers10**Thanks for reading! Looking at your reply, I'm thinking of how many directions this fic could have gone!

**purebristles**Ah, I had so much fun begging you to update! Thanks for giving my fic a try!

**Jedi-lover**Hey, you, thanks for giving this a try! I know, I can't believe how dark it turned out to be, either! But, there will be a smutty sequel…know anyone who'd be interested in reading that: )

**Lissa Strawberry**Thanks so much; I hope you enjoy the last chapter!

**Shada: **Thanks so much! I hope you like this chapter!

**Linwe Elendil**I don't usually read Luke (or Ben) death-fics, either! And I cannot believe I wrote one! LOL I hope you enjoy this, thanks for your review!


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